A Bitter Pill

so it just hit me last night.
i've known for some time
but i just realized it last night.

in april,
my choir and i
will be traveling to
new york city
to join one hundred and fifty
other students for a
performance in
carnegie hall.

(wait, let me repeat that)

carnegie hall.

the place i've only wanted to set foot in
most of my musical life.

i would be performing with the ghosts of the greatest-
tchaikovsky.
pavarotti.
and zillions of others.

i just hope i can raise enough money to pay my way.
----------------
so i have been with liam almost four months.
and i can honestly say
i love this kid.

school's going,
i've found that i have a knack for biology.

and i've been sick all week.
my best friend's name:penicillin
despite the fact he's such a pill
with a bitter and harsh attitude
toward life.

Sparse

a kid at our school killed himself last night.

i did not know him, but several of my close friends did.

when things like that happen everyone is sorry.

this kid was a senior in high school.
a time of so much promise and hope.

why would he end it all?

we may never know.

but reaching out to someone: a simple hello in the hallway
can do a world of good

please don't forget this.

alex abrahams, wherever you are i hope you are safe.
and to his family i send my condolences.

Nothing Left Of Me

i've adapted well to the routine.

monday through friday I have
life management:at the moment learning how not to have babies
algebra 2:hard hard stuff for me
choir:my home

eating lunch alone with my iPod

biology:a class I sometimes get

then ride home for a half-hour
alone with my iPod.

liam is coming tonight to my sister's birthday party.

i see him about once a week since he goes to a different school.

i believe i shall die.

he does take me to church though. which makes twice a week.

Rebeginning

so school starts back tomorrow. this summer i've
found my life's work
found love
found why i am special
found myself again.

to think that it'll end in about 13 hours.

no more seeing liam most days
and talking on the phone late into the night.

i feel a little hopeless.

Pretty Little Nothing

i went and saw the goo goo dolls
in pensacola a few days back.

they played my favorite song,
iris.

that song is the soundtrack to my life.

the concert was held in the
same auditorium as the
my chemical romance
concert back in april.

i could see where i stood then.
it was like coming home.

---

liam took me out to the downtown friday fest.
we milled around antique shops with my
sister and her friend.
got a snowcone and shared it.
ran into old friends.

it was just like heaven.

Never Resting Time

warped tour was soooo totally worth the 5 hour drive.

the first band I saw was technically chiodos-
though i only stayed for we're gonna have us a champagne jam
-mainly cause escape the fate was coming on and I like them more.
they're fantastic by the way, only the singer needed to wear a better belt
since when he came up from a kneel he mooned us all.
i heard my favorite song by them though,
my apocalypse.

and it was my first mosh pit.

then i went to see funeral for a friend play acoustically,
which was very good.
he can sing way well.
it wasn't crowded, which was sad cause
they're a marvelously underrated band.
The myspace tent got a lot more crowded
for the paramore acoustic show, which was
wonderful.
hayley even surprised me by knowing
which key she was playing in.
they tuned down from
c sharp to c by the way.

then i went and stood by
the funeral for a friend stage and
waited for them to come on.
it was worth it because i was
like two people from the stage.
another marvelous show by them, no mooning this time.
it was a shame cause they had to stop in the
middle of red is the new black because
of some not-so-nice moshers.

it played out like this:

one obviously boozed-up mosher pushes another guy
out into the crowd and is beating hard on him.
security hop the fence and try to split it up.
matt says something like
"what the fuck is going on here? if you can't play nice, don't play at all."

all in all very good and fun.
after that set i met a girl.
i think her name was karen
but i couldn't hear anything so i might be wrong.
we talked until paramore came on.
superfantastic I might add.
i had to leave after them though
because my sister got ill.
it sucks that I had to miss
boys like girls and
alesana.
but i did get shirts.

then we hung around st.augustine for a day and then i came home.

i'm going back next year for sure.

Nosedive

so i've been using this wonderful thing
called the text message lately.
you know, what with willy (henceforth liam)
and david (who leaves tomorrow night).

i was under the impression that i had
unlimited texting for the five dollars
i paid every month.

apparently i only had three hundred texts incoming and outgoing.

i doubled my phone bill this month. two hundred dollars in texts.

wait, let me repeat that.

two hundred dollars.

more money than i have ever had in my life.

now i'm paying twenty dollars for the privilege
this month. my mother and i went to the local
dealer, who couldn't adjust the bill despite
that i haven't texted at all from july 2005 to now
and paid for it every month.

i've discussed it with my parents and they say it's
not my fault (they told me it was unlimited)
but that that's two hundred dollars we don't have anymore.

liam says he'll help me work it off but i don't want him to.

though i am still going to warped tour with money
i have earned for merch. i'll start when
i get home.

for the record don't use alltel. they have no compromises. despite that i've been paying five bucks a month for 3 years that i didn't use.