Smile Like You Aren't Faking

i don't know what to write today
here is my schedule
if you care


first period, algebra 1
but it's honors so i don't feel stupid
i failed the class with flying colors
two years ago
it's hard in there
for the firefly resides
in the diagonal from me
acting like she knows
i am okay

second choir
the people there love me
and are a second family
any barriers there are broken
and melody streams
and voices connect
and life begins
and ends

lunch
i sit alone
with a book
most recently twilight

third, history/hilarity
most funny class
watched Schindler's List today
gunshots and blood
horror and fascination
that was the holocaust
in brief

english last
my gift and talent
but nobody else in there
has either
so the words are stagnant
and while i'm sleeping
or dreaming my work
is passed about for all
to take

then i walk home
which is a story
in and of itself

Sunshine and Starfall

thank you
for not leaving me
when the firefly ceased to guide me
but staying there
and seeing if i'm alive
or have fallen off the edge

thank you
for smiling like you mean it
and allowing me to follow
and get to know you
the always/never conundrum
and knowing how music is

thank you
for accepting gracefully
and not fussing when i told you
of the lines
and of the times
and permitting me to stay

you three are how i live

The World As Viewed From A Martini Glass

it's tuesday but he wasn't there
he and she, the complementing characters
so no fussing at the heathen



dance is my secondary high
it being rigorously planned
but the beat courses through
the floor, feet hitting in accented
melody passing
with idle clicks and batters
so was the preprogrammed calamity

my hands are cramping from
the guitar and the homework
student living sucks

did he even think on me?
was i a portion of his thoughts?
or is it as i fear
and he wants nothing to do with me?

Can I Go Alone

maybe i'm tired of normality

the firefly and i connected today
if only brief, then carried on
seperated
still torn



has the music ever swept you away?
flowing from fingers into air into ears into heart into voice into fingers
an endless cycle you only partake of
it would go on without you
but to be part of the flow
it carries self away

i denied lunch today
just got away, only me and a novel
it's better that way

a book can hurt my fingers not my soul

Between The Steeple And The Floor

how can i love another
when i don't love myself

still, i believe

the firefly and i amended tonight
i'm getting better
but the void hasn't closed
we still know
remember
hurt

he lied on the sabbath and didn't come
his loss i suppose
i'll chew him out tuesday
but be gentle cause i understand

"is it painful enough for a lortab"
it's worth a heart amputation
if it would stop

Falsehoods of the Looking-Glass

there once was a girl who thought she could change the world. she's older now.

androgynous but for the obvious. short brown hair and eyes to match. a key. pale but not in the pretty manner.

it looks like i'm okay. but i suppose i am not.

i decided not to care today.

here's a story of when i loved two people. one was my life, but she told me that i wasn't like the raven or the demon and that she couldn't pretend i was. she left me. the other is her unknown admirer, not the one she chose. he i would have gladly loved, but when the sun shines the moon can't be seen.

so i'll go to bed now.

alone as always.