A Bitter Pill

so it just hit me last night.
i've known for some time
but i just realized it last night.

in april,
my choir and i
will be traveling to
new york city
to join one hundred and fifty
other students for a
performance in
carnegie hall.

(wait, let me repeat that)

carnegie hall.

the place i've only wanted to set foot in
most of my musical life.

i would be performing with the ghosts of the greatest-
tchaikovsky.
pavarotti.
and zillions of others.

i just hope i can raise enough money to pay my way.
----------------
so i have been with liam almost four months.
and i can honestly say
i love this kid.

school's going,
i've found that i have a knack for biology.

and i've been sick all week.
my best friend's name:penicillin
despite the fact he's such a pill
with a bitter and harsh attitude
toward life.

Sparse

a kid at our school killed himself last night.

i did not know him, but several of my close friends did.

when things like that happen everyone is sorry.

this kid was a senior in high school.
a time of so much promise and hope.

why would he end it all?

we may never know.

but reaching out to someone: a simple hello in the hallway
can do a world of good

please don't forget this.

alex abrahams, wherever you are i hope you are safe.
and to his family i send my condolences.

Nothing Left Of Me

i've adapted well to the routine.

monday through friday I have
life management:at the moment learning how not to have babies
algebra 2:hard hard stuff for me
choir:my home

eating lunch alone with my iPod

biology:a class I sometimes get

then ride home for a half-hour
alone with my iPod.

liam is coming tonight to my sister's birthday party.

i see him about once a week since he goes to a different school.

i believe i shall die.

he does take me to church though. which makes twice a week.

Rebeginning

so school starts back tomorrow. this summer i've
found my life's work
found love
found why i am special
found myself again.

to think that it'll end in about 13 hours.

no more seeing liam most days
and talking on the phone late into the night.

i feel a little hopeless.

Pretty Little Nothing

i went and saw the goo goo dolls
in pensacola a few days back.

they played my favorite song,
iris.

that song is the soundtrack to my life.

the concert was held in the
same auditorium as the
my chemical romance
concert back in april.

i could see where i stood then.
it was like coming home.

---

liam took me out to the downtown friday fest.
we milled around antique shops with my
sister and her friend.
got a snowcone and shared it.
ran into old friends.

it was just like heaven.

Never Resting Time

warped tour was soooo totally worth the 5 hour drive.

the first band I saw was technically chiodos-
though i only stayed for we're gonna have us a champagne jam
-mainly cause escape the fate was coming on and I like them more.
they're fantastic by the way, only the singer needed to wear a better belt
since when he came up from a kneel he mooned us all.
i heard my favorite song by them though,
my apocalypse.

and it was my first mosh pit.

then i went to see funeral for a friend play acoustically,
which was very good.
he can sing way well.
it wasn't crowded, which was sad cause
they're a marvelously underrated band.
The myspace tent got a lot more crowded
for the paramore acoustic show, which was
wonderful.
hayley even surprised me by knowing
which key she was playing in.
they tuned down from
c sharp to c by the way.

then i went and stood by
the funeral for a friend stage and
waited for them to come on.
it was worth it because i was
like two people from the stage.
another marvelous show by them, no mooning this time.
it was a shame cause they had to stop in the
middle of red is the new black because
of some not-so-nice moshers.

it played out like this:

one obviously boozed-up mosher pushes another guy
out into the crowd and is beating hard on him.
security hop the fence and try to split it up.
matt says something like
"what the fuck is going on here? if you can't play nice, don't play at all."

all in all very good and fun.
after that set i met a girl.
i think her name was karen
but i couldn't hear anything so i might be wrong.
we talked until paramore came on.
superfantastic I might add.
i had to leave after them though
because my sister got ill.
it sucks that I had to miss
boys like girls and
alesana.
but i did get shirts.

then we hung around st.augustine for a day and then i came home.

i'm going back next year for sure.

Nosedive

so i've been using this wonderful thing
called the text message lately.
you know, what with willy (henceforth liam)
and david (who leaves tomorrow night).

i was under the impression that i had
unlimited texting for the five dollars
i paid every month.

apparently i only had three hundred texts incoming and outgoing.

i doubled my phone bill this month. two hundred dollars in texts.

wait, let me repeat that.

two hundred dollars.

more money than i have ever had in my life.

now i'm paying twenty dollars for the privilege
this month. my mother and i went to the local
dealer, who couldn't adjust the bill despite
that i haven't texted at all from july 2005 to now
and paid for it every month.

i've discussed it with my parents and they say it's
not my fault (they told me it was unlimited)
but that that's two hundred dollars we don't have anymore.

liam says he'll help me work it off but i don't want him to.

though i am still going to warped tour with money
i have earned for merch. i'll start when
i get home.

for the record don't use alltel. they have no compromises. despite that i've been paying five bucks a month for 3 years that i didn't use.

Complicate Condition

so i am officially willy's girlfriend.
and i intend to break things off with david
but i can't.
he's done nothing to deserve it
but me finding someone else
who's better for me.

however, willy is gone to tennessee for ten days.
what he doesn't know might not hurt him
but i'm not that dishonest.

babysitting kids for cash.
friday night and tonight.
it's pleasant, lots of fun.

warped tour here i come!

Rifted

david

willy

18

15

atlanta

here

down for
summer

to stay

fling

love

ephermal

lasting

connected
through
me

and i am dating both.

its not been a year since i was last single
and i'm glad.
often seeing nina
going to church again, strangely
enough.
seeing fireflies doesn't hurt anymore.
i have willy's love to guide me,
edward to my bella.
and this day,
celebrated as the birth of our country
i mark as the emergence
of my independence.

earning cash for warped tour.
merch booths, tickets, etc.
i want to go so much.

going out with willy tomorrow
to see a horror flick.
i'm scared
but not of the movie.

up all night
as radio waves
transcend the miles
between us.
and if i think
hard enough
i can imagine you
next to me.

Endorphin the Chemical Messiah

went to the mall
with a girl and
her boyfriend.

it reminded me so much
of the firefly and demon.

but i got a shirt
and it was a lot
more fun than those
outings.

i saw the starfish
and said a fleeting
hello.

the first time i've been out
in how long?

An Important Service Announcement:

For those readers that I do have...

I beg of you, please give these guys a listen. They're really good as both people and as a band. They need all the plays and promotion they can get. So go have a listen, add them to your MySpace, and tell your friends if you like their sound. Or if you have friends to tell.

Carsh

http://www.myspace.com/elsasatwell

Rebirth

so this week was church camp.
i reconnected with my friends in alabama.
and even now i miss them.

rededicated myself to god.
it's strange to come home.

but the minute i walked in the door
i flipped on my music
and danced to my favorite song.

some things change.
even more things stay the same.

also found a new love interest
as i'm tired of lusting after
an angel who can't see me.

Restoration

have you ever
taken your stereo
into a bath?
not put it in the tub,
just played it loudly.

listening to music
with your ears underwater
is a fascination of mine.

the bass is accentuated
and the words suddenly
mean less.

try it.
you'll understand.

--------

so last night was my second
dance recital.

the high point of it for me
was watching my
given-up angel
sleep.

some people are ugly and grotesque when
they rest.

he is positively seraphic.

and his hands twitch, which is an endearing habit.

that moment was definitely intimate.
not in a sexual way, but it melted
my heart.

Brand New Heart

so yesterday
was my first local
'show'.

went with nina.

it was wonderful.

a bunch of choirkids were there
and two were singers in bands.
it was fun to see my friends on stage
having fun
and my friends not on stage
beating the crap out of each other.

the starfish sang
and it melted my heart.

what a wonderful first day of summer.

Unmade

so i saw the movie
snakes on a plane
for the first time
yesterday.

i didn't think it
was really scary.
more creepy
and corny.

but hilarious in an unintentional way.

my family and i placed bets on who would die.

i won, with the dog and the snobby guy.
my dad lost, with the rapper and mr. samuel.

everybody knows that mr.jackson can't die
until he's had a chance
to say

"i've had it with these mutha*bleep*ing snakes on this mutha*bleep*ing plane.
now i'm gonna open some *bleep*ing windows."

Believing

choir awards banquet.
it was entertaining
mainly due to gag awards.

i came home with two very serious
honors.
best freshman soprano two
most versatile singer
and i was elected to
be a librarian.

my librarian package included a super soaker, weapons, asprin, and candy.

however, i was sad.
my opposing candidate, the the
had her gorgeous boyfriend
see her lose.

i was concerned that that would create
a rift in our friendship.

but she smiled and said it was okay
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

hey, she got the biggest flirt award.

i also managed to get my
choir letter for those
ugly jackets.

so a good night,
saying goodbye
to the starfish
i admire.

Fallout

it has been a busy life for me
but now i will reflect on the past three or four days.

sunday, monday, tuesday, and the first hour of wedesday were spent on a choir trip.
it was lots of fun.
i made three new friends
starfish, who is a senior and is someone i've looked up to
kerri, a newer girl who just joined like a week ago
jere-bear, the given-up angel's friend
and i went to universal.

then the day after we got back
i went to a concert.
my chemical romance.
best night of my life.

music is not about haircuts
or how much money you make
or how indie your band is
or anything like that.

music is about a teenage girl jumping
all over everyone else's feet
(especially when the singer screams
jump fuckers!)
and singing along every word
and being fifteen feet away from her
biggest role models.

Interlude

asked out my angel
in a note.
he called me around four-it's nine now
and it sounded urgent.
unsure if this is good or bad.
praying for good.

oh my god i can't believe i went through with it.

i swear my heart rate is skyrocketing.

Lovesong For A Memory

so i go back to school tomorrow-
spring break's been fabulous.

spoken with the rocket a lot
went to the beach alone
and with the muse.

got pulled over by police.

began my studies on alfred hitchcock
for an english project.

plotting with my guy best friend (not the angels mind)
it's devious, it's stupid, it's supposed to keep his ex off him.

i am going to ask my given-up angel out
on tuesday.
through a letter that he probably will lose
and forget.

whatever words i say i will always love you-lovesong by the cure

Tedium

spring break so far-
i cleaned my room for two days
haven't left my house once
slept in until eleven three days
watched The Birds
and My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Psycho is still unwatched.

nowhere to go, really.

a girl i am starting to get to know-
i'll call her rocket
because that's what we discussed on the phone
for one and almost a half hours
last night.

terrified tomorrow
for the lines on my thigh
(despite heavy foundation and concealer)
are visible
and my mother is taking me
to shop for a swimsuit.

maybe i can get away
with just a top
and shorts over the bottom from
last year.

not like i've grown much.

Taking Off

living and trying to breathe.
exams rolled by
and i'm trying to live
in a city that's too
small for me.

my life now consists of two things:
poetry and music.
this i don't mind,
but there's no people in between.

still suffering with a hopeless chocolate addiction
but what's new?

got an okay in choir competition last friday,
barely scraped into the next level.

saint patrick's day was fabulous
not to mention that i spent the whole day
with a certain blonde angel
who has a thing for his ex-girlfriend.
anatomy of a high school drama.

still counting days
until april eighteenth.

i recently recieved a comment (see Invisible)
from a creator whose work i admire.
a public thank-you to miss calan.
i wore pink striped socks today.

Eyes of Crystal

face it.
i am head over heels in like
with a boy i consider
my brother.
choir district is
tomorrow
and some haven't
memorized music.
saint patrick's day
is saturday
and i am dancing
everywhere.

one performance requires
shorts.
i can't wear shorts
due to a previous
episode of my life
(see anything involving lines)
if i explain why i can't
it's a one-way trip
to mr.therapy,
if some show it's
still a ticket.
catch-22.

i can't give up
my blonde
angel.

We Can Only Hope|My Music and About It

the given-up angel called me last night-
but his ex-girlfriend was on the waiting line
and he hung up on me to talk to her.

he never called back. i spent
last night waiting by the
phone.

my eating plan is not going well.
i am seeing no improvement
and whenever i can help i'm
off buying chocolate.

my parents are always angry
with me.

"you need to eat."

i'm currently on restriction
because i skipped lunch for
a week.

but i'll keep going with this.
i need to get all of this excess
skin off me.
____________________
a list of the artists i listen to
and why i do so
and a favorite song
by them.
not all the artists.

afi-they're a solid band with a lead singer who i admire not just as a lyricist and a musician, but as a person. all of the playing is expert as the band has been around since the 1990s. curiously when i was born.
listen for-kiss and control off of decemberunderground

aiden-an excellent blend of styles (namely punk) with lyrics that are good (but in my humble opinion incorporate the word 'die' a little too often-anyways, who am i to complain?) and whose tunes are catchy.
listen for-die romantic off of nightmare anatomy

alesana-a wonderful hardcore band. you'll like it more if you're into screamy phowarrgh. interesting twist-incorporates the greek myth of icarus, a favorite of mine.
listen for-congratulations, i hate you off of on frail wings of vanity and wax

armor for sleep-generic sounding rock band. the albums tell a story which is good. ths music is great as a background soundtrack for when you work on other things.
listen for-kind of perfect off of dream to make believe

boys like girls-they call themselves emo, but their music sounds much more pop-rock to me. the next fall out boy in my opinion, but hey, i can say i knew them when. great sound, only downside is that their title is also the extent of their subject matter.
listen f0r-dance hall drug off the self-titled album

chiodos-great vocals for another otherwise normal band. very interesting lyrics, some mythology here too.
listen for-the acoustic of lindsay quit lollygagging off of all's well that ends well

escape the fate-bang smash in your face hello there my name is escape the fate. good stuff right there, very original. they use a cello!
listen for-the day i left the womb off the self-titled album

evanecence-how i got into music. very accessible, with a host of great music. all the not-as-good ones get overplayed.
listen for-lacrymosa off the open door

fall out boy-don't care for their normal stuff, but the acoustic songs are delicious. for example, nobody puts baby in the corner. they ruined it when they plugged it in, but the acoustic b-side is heaven.
listen for-nobody puts baby in the corner off my heart will always be on the b-side of things

flyleaf-an acidic band with absolutely wicked femme vocals. christian too, so no cussing and lots of fun.
listen for-so i thought off the self-titled album

kill hannah-a little electronic, a little emo, and a whole lotta fun. femaleish vocals with sleek lyrics and awesome talent.
listen for-unwanted off for never and never

my chemical romance-i love this band, despite how people say that it's not 'genuine'. i believe in music and if you're sincere then it's belief in being. anyway, another bunch of artists who are not merely great writers and musicians, but great people.
listen for-desert song off life on the murder scene

underoath-brash, loud, and a christian band to boot. what's not to like?
listen for-some will seek forgiveness, others escape off they're only chasing safety

the used-another band that's sincere. lyrics are just the right amount of screwed up, and these guys take technical adventrousness to a whole new level.
listen for-poetic tragedy off of a box full of sharp objects

Invisible

i glimpsed the demon again-
how can we be so much alike
yet on such different planes?

i am eating too much and i hate myself for it.

i doubt people can see me anymore. every day i take my lunch alone and write/read.

i can't remember the last time someone touched me.

It's Been A While

so I went to bible study for the first time in forever.

anyway, i got into a discussion about doctrine. my personal doctrine is that people should be allowed to do whatever makes them happy as long as it doesn't infringe on other people's happiness. that statement is essentially what I base my life on.

somehow the topic strayed to gay marriage. this i am fine with because it doesn't infringe on the happiness of other people and it makes them happy (before it begs the question of all those people who are like "gay marriage will condemn our country", they are the ones who condemn our faith to a early grave. In my humble opinion, the church needs to realize that while we should present the opportunity to become a christian and be strong in what we believe, we need to modernize and realize that not everyone will accept the church and that some are quite comfortable with what they believe.) however, everyone else seems to think that this is morally wrong. tt may be for our beliefs. but we cannot force our religion on other people.

though i am not arguing that homosexuality is not a sin, i believe you can belong to the church and still feel that way. I mean, christians are not perfect. see any divorced churchgoers? divorce is described as a sin, but divorced people still attend the church. church is not a place for people to look down their noses at those who have sinned, rather, it is a place for those who have sinned.

liars, adulterers, the greedy, prideful people, and many other people with character flaws attend church. had they no imperfections, they would have no need to be there in the first place.

of course everyone thinks I'm wrong because my view isn't commonly accepted. maybe I am wrong. at least i believe in what i'm saying.

Stardust Dissolving

lately i have dreamt of being a girl in a band.

i want to touch people and cause them to change. i want to make things sound. i want to be a role model.

that's what i want.

had choir practice.
i will never measure up.

Bringing Back

something happened today

i realized that even when i am surrounded, i am alone.

sure, these people like me, but none of what they have is deep or close.

alone in the crowds with nobody who understands the word alone.

the lines are back. for good? it was a month since they were last.

Darkroom

so i haven't changed.

been speaking to the given-up angel. no matter how hard i try, i can't give him up.

babysat five kids last night. my companion found out about the lines, but i told her to never mind. i'm over them for good i think.

Pretty Pretty

living off music
given up angels
and firefly residue.

Everlast

faked sick, stayed home from life.

trying how to eloquently tell the bible study girls that i'm a fake and i can't live with myself.

Dayrain

went to the given-up angel's party
enjoyed myself.

also attended a muslim wedding reception
in place of my sister.

was informative.
i expected it to be different
and it wasn't so much.

people are people
they are happy the same.

Forget My Name

was invisible today.

went to the mall and bought the gave-up angel his present. a bio of a band he adores and i'm not sure is good(the bio i mean, i love the band) and a stick of black eyeliner. got myself the clean version of a cd i adore.

Shining

beauty escapes me.

wrote today.

Daylight Daughter

i've discovered i love my skin
despite the unpleasant spotting on my face.
it's translucent enough to see the pretty morbid
lace of veins and arteries
especially by the wrists, on the chest, and on my palms.
i can see them to where they disappear in the middle
where if i look close enough
i can imagine my heart beating.

Peel Me Off The Ceiling Floor

i've felt crappish all day. not just "my tummy hurts from too much cake but i'll be better by noon" but "i can't smell, breathe through my nose, or speak. i'm choking on my own snot here" kinda crappy. on my day off too.

finished mary. he's adorable.

working on a black blouse with clovers.

had to turn down my one request for winter formal. going to the party of the angel i gave up. i've made myself promise i won't feel anything but friendship toward him, because i know he loves the firefly and i am eclipsed by her glow.

Stitcher

liar went to church again.

working on sewing a lamb. his name is mary.

had a fantastic blondie at applebee's.

You're Gonna Be Famous One Day, Girl

someone said that to me
as i sat alone with a book on Friday.

he's a janitor i presume
and every time he comes my way
he asks if i am reading the same book.

the answer is always never.
there's not much else to do
when you don't have much to say.

Don't Fade

today was fun
i went book shopping
the starbux people gave me a venti on accident.

yum.

Do Or Die, If It Were Up To Me You'd Do and I'd Just Die

today was lame.

my new choir buddy?
is a junior, so is going to the other class.

frustrated at my dancing
it isn't free like music.

Girl VS World

reconciled with firefly


met a new angel
i'll call him rollercoaster.
if i have my way, a new choir buddy.

guitar today
it's getting fun now that i can.

Dying To Relive The Memories

went to the youth
despite saying i'd never
go back.

reconciled with the firefly
but said something stupid.
i fear the second try will be
my last.

met with the sunshine and the moon.
they spoke to me
and it was a reunion.

Gunshot Girl

reconciled with the firefly
we're going to give this friends thing
another try.

gave up on an angel for the last time.

power out at school today.

The Angels Told Me Fate

first day back in school/hell.

i am tired.

really.

The Psychologist and Miss Maddy//a long short story

This story took shape from a piece of email. This letter was from a person known as Workman Hannah, who I do not know. He spent most of the time trying to sell me stock. However, the last little bit seemed like one end of a short conversation. The other parts, where Mr.Hannah was speaking, I filled in. Due to its non sequitor nature I decided that Mr.Hannah was a uncle and he had accidentally placed the notes from a conversation with his niece (whom I have named Maddy) into a pitch for me to purchase some stocks.

A classic example of the story changing in the shower, the Miss Maddy and Mr.Hannah are distinctly different than the ones I began with. The setting was originally Parisian, with Madame Madeleine being a batty old crone and the psychologist a older man. Later on Miss Maddy became an eccentric twentysomething on her way to get a refill of medication, and Workman became a slightly younger practicioner in New York City. Eventually I realized I could not replicate psychologist garble, and so transformed Mr.Hannah into a uncle and Maddy into a possibly teenaged niece.

And now, the curtain rises.

----------
Mr. Hannah: Hello, Maddy! Merry Christmas!

Miss Maddy:And a very Merry Christmas to you too!

Mr. Hannah:Go ahead, have a seat. How is your sister Sophia?

Miss Maddy:Doc says the she is doing well with seizure control on this dose most likely because of the diet.

Mr. Hannah:That's good to hear. Last time you spoke to me you told me she was gravely ill.

Miss Maddy:Where birth and death do matter not for both, they are the same.

Mr. Hannah:That's...great. Any other news?

Miss Maddy:Plus, the cover to the Weird Al Show DVD is unleashed upon the public, causing mayhem and destruction beyond all imagination.

Mr. Hannah:Maddy, have you been regularly taking your medication?

Miss Maddy:And too, she is most feminine,gentle, kind and pure.

Mr. Hannah:I suppose not. Do you care to tell me why?

Miss Maddy:There are lots of people who care about you. There are people who can help.

Mr. Hannah:That's not what I asked. Anyway, have you been at school?

Miss Maddy:I do understand that I need to be there from time to time and then for all of time to greet the gods of my being and reveal to them, the universe of my dreams.

Mr. Hannah:I'm not sure I understand that, Maddy dear.

Miss Maddy:Agree with it or not, that's their story and they're stickin' to it!

Mr. Hannah:Let's talk about music. You like music, right??

Miss Maddy:There was cover art for Vol.

Mr. Hannah:Okay...

Miss Maddy:Nevertheless, many thanks to those who have injected a little life back into the poor old thing.

Mr. Hannah:How is your mother, Madeline?

Miss Maddy:She had to be stabilized in the ER and was released on Saturday.

Mr. Hannah:Your father?

Miss Maddy:He returns to LA on the 12th I believe.

Mr.Hannah:That's unfortunate. Do you speak to him much on that-what's it called, internet-while he is away?

Miss Maddy:I don't have a web site because I can't type.

Mr. Hannah:I'm sure that must be hard.

Miss Maddy:It has to be said that even before this happened, the group was starting to look a bit limp.

Mr. Hannah:Alright. How is your progression with the new psychiatrist?

Miss Maddy:I have been seizure free now for 4 months and am not sure whether the medication or something else is responsible, but I felt compelled to share.

Mr.Hannah:You and Sophie don't have the same condition, right?

Miss Maddy:Doc says the she is doing well with seizure control on this dose most likely because of the diet.

Mr. Hannah:That's odd. Isn't there medication for things like that?

Miss Maddy:I am not selling Ambien.

Mr. Hannah:Oh. I see.

Miss Maddy:If you are the system administrator, please click here. Someone find out and fill me in! I am not the third person plural experiencing life but rather myself.

Mr.Hannah:Don't get technological with me dear, you know I don't understand things like that.

Miss Maddy: I had thought the opposite, that they would get more money per sale if I bought directly from them.

Mr.Hannah:You're into business?

Miss Maddy:That's the attitude you need to have, here in the natural snow deprived Northeast.

Mr.Hannah:We live in the Southeast, dear.

Miss Maddy:These really have my CNT shut down, but no siezures.

Mr.Hannah:I thought Sophia was the one with the seizures.

Miss Maddy:I roused some several REHoward fans into making themselves heard, and now it has quieted down again.

Mr.Hannah:What is a REHoward?

Miss Maddy:I belong to EOD and REHupa.

Mr.Hannah:Are those like the Girl Scouts?

Miss Maddy:Fortunately, she did not have further seizures after we got to the airport and she ate some breakfast.

Mr.Hannah:Sophia went on a plane?

Miss Maddy: Fortunately, they released Stacy around 11am this morning without admitting her to the hospital.

Mr.Hannah:Darling, your sister is Sophie and she's in the hospital.

Miss Maddy:A high spot is my LOST WORLDS inscribed to Francis T.

Mr.Hannah:Is this Francis a friend of yours?

Miss Maddy:These groups can be fun, but they can also take up a lot of time and energy.

Mr.Hannah:What groups?

Miss Maddy:She is still taking her meds diligently.

Mr.Hannah:Sophia doesn't take medication.

Miss Maddy:It has to be said that even before this happened, the group was starting to look a bit limp.

Mr.Hannah:I give up.

Miss Maddy:Time for me to do my annual re-reading of HPL's "The Festival.Happy New Year everyone!
---
as it is bedtime there will be no third post.

Where did you leave my pills, dear? You know I can't live without them, even though they're slowly killing me.

today was okay.
i started sewing my bookbag
to be finished tomorrow.

saw a movie.
night at the museum to be precise.

there may or may not be three posts tonight.