the freshman ball was tonight.
i went.
i saw the music and the lovely.
the lovely and i had not spoken in half a year.
he learned:
i cut my hair
the boy and i broke up
i went both ways
i dance well.
i made him dance with me later on.
my ideals are simple.
everyone has a right to be happy
as long as it doesn't prevent another
from such.
three things are inherently good.
these are
children,
love,
and humans.
thanks for the angel
a bright spot in a dull sky
a lifeline.
thanks for the muse
who loves me no matter what
a forgiveness.
thank you for the firefly
even though i've been replaced
those were the best times of my life.
and i don't regret.
had a choir performance last night.
screwed it up.
but went to the afterparty.
some girls went to olive garden
and we ate dessert.
saw the muse and the music.
went to the house of cards today.
sang the song
and listened to the words.
then the sun slipped
and it was time.
every often
the church my age
go to the sports center.
the firefly replaced me tonight
with a new doll
this one fresher and with more to discover
than me broken and used.
most my time was with the gun.
he talked and prattled on
i need only supply a mmm and ahh
and girls can be confusing
but she'll go on.
then it closed in.
i wasn't safe since he walked in.
spent some time in cold outside
in the corner of the shadow.
no one could see me.
"i am a monster
nobody cares if i go
it's a blessing to everyone
not to put up with the
disjointed plaything
strangled marionette
useless junk."
then she and i talked in the van of my youth
college, my problems.
of course, she didn't know of
the lines
the angel
the boy
the deathwish
the story
the loneliness
but it's been forever
since somebody cared.
i scared myself today.
to preface things
i hate eating when i'm home alone.
for when i start i never stop.
so i was for the first few hours of my waking
then my mother returned and
needed to take my measurements.
i felt very dizzy half way through.
then i sat down.
it's scary having to wonder how your head rolled back and mouth opened.
it's scary having to wonder why your limbs are numb.
it's scary having to ask your mother "what just happened?".
it's scary having however long you were out unaccounted for in memory.
the next words i heard were
"well, that was an academy award winning performance of a seizure".
i don't know how it happened.
but i ate a banana, some apple juice, and oatmeal
and was a little better.
i thought i had a choir performance today
but it was monday, thank god.
if i had done that on stage...
celtic woman was on the telly
and i've always loved the singing
ever since i was in ireland
the hills have called me home.
so that's my father's birthday present
tickets for four
february eighth
tallahassee
beauty.
I've fallen back in love with periods again.
part 1-the angel boy.
his voice watches me
and i meet him there every morning.
we laugh and talk.
i was taller than him today
blame the high-heeled boots, darling.
you and i held hands today
because we were on either side of the.
i know it didn't mean a thing
but it was nice.
you spoon fed me cheerios
and i made a mess of it.
but it was funny.
then you hugged me on the way out
and i melted.
it's funny how much the little things mean
when the one big thing has flown away.
part 2-the visitors.
three people stopped me in my book
as the sandwich crumbs were blown from
the spine.
the first was tyler.
he and i are neutral
but he appeared to care.
i fed him the "i'm okay" lie
and we had a discussion
about vampire novels his girlfriend liked
and tight pants in relation to skinny jeans.
fuzzy fleeted by
but she was gone before i breathed.
and this old guy walked up
and said something which
never impacted
and walked off.
part3-seeing the demon one last time
he walked by me as i left the holocaust visions
him and the strawberry haired girl.
i couldn't see their hands
but it appeared they were intertwined.
just like his and the firefly.
it hurt again, just as fresh as the first time
because i was the moon and she the sun
he never saw me as but her accompianment.
he hasn't spoken to me in three months
even though we occupy the same place
cast out like the one we loved.
part 4-the worst performance
and by that i don't mean us.
the audience was rude
and never clapped.
sadness. we practiced for a month
to play to those preoccupied.
and then the day was ended.
